Head Monologues: Episode 2

Brain: "Ed..."

Ed: "Yeah?"

Brain: "Why are you so happy right now?"

Ed: "What do you mean?"

Brain: "Your serotonin levels are coursing all the way through me and it's making me feel uncomfortable."

Ed: "Serotonin?"

Brain: "You know the stuff that makes you happy?"

Ed: "So you remember what it means when you need to complain about me but in an actual psychology exam you choose not to remember?!"

Brain: "That's neither here nor there. Now stop avoiding the question."

Ed: "It's nothing to do with you."

Brain: "Well it is because you are me and I am you etc."

Ed: "I think you might just want to avoid it, you know how you get when you try and understand emotions."

Brain: "It's not much different to when you try Jaegermeister I imagine. Lots of swearing, sweating, coughing and later, vomiting."

Ed: "Fine! Me and the pretty girl from accounting are going on a date."

Brain: "Wait you're not talking about earlier are you, when she said she would show you how to do your expense reports?"

Ed: "Well yes, whenever else?"

Brain: "At exactly which point in that conversation was either one of you suggesting and/or confirming to meet and exchange pleasantries for an extended period of time with the suggestion of romance?"

Ed: "I love it when you talk dirty."

Brain: Yes very funny, ha-ha. But seriously was there any suggestion of you two going out, because I didn't hear any and you know I have to listen to every painful thing you say."

Ed: "Well yeah, you never stop complaining about it..."

Brain: "Well when was it exactly?"

Ed: "When she said she would teach me how to do my expense reports..."

Brain: "Really? You're that desperate, you think that could be classified as a date?"

Ed: "It could! She suggested it! If you replaced with the words expense reports with dinner and a movie  it could easily be a date."

Brain: "And if you replaced them with flush and toilet seat she could be talking about potty training you."

Ed: "Whatever Brain you just don't understand love."

Brain: "This isn't the first time you've done this y'know."

Ed: "Done what exactly?"

Brain: "Romanticise things."

Ed: "In what other ways have I done this then?"

Brain: "On the tube today!"

Ed: "Oh come on don't throw that in my face!"

Brain: "You were debating with me whether the girl on the escalator was amazingly attractive or if you just hadn't been with a woman for so long you were going crazy."

Ed: "I think she just had good bone structure looking back now."

Brain: "And then you followed her."

Ed: "Please I wasn't following her. We were just going in the same direction...for a long time".

Brain: "I rest my case."

Ed: "But this is different, we know each other's names, we work in the same office..."

Brain: "Ah so it is true love."

Ed: "It's fate Brain. F...E...T...E."

Brain: "Wait that's how you've been spelling fate all this time? You really are an embarrassment to both of us you know that right?"

Ed: "Shut up! There are like 4 different spellings and meanings, how is anyone supposed to keep track!?"

Brain: "I'm just saying don't over-do it. Talk to her first and then maybe in 6-8 weeks you can have a casual meeting out of work with a group of friends."

Ed: "You're a real life Casanova you know that?"

Brain: "Please for both of us just don't treat it like a date."

Ed: "I can't hear you over the sound of me renting a tuxedo!"

Brain: "Don't bring her chocolates either."

Ed: "Not even Ferrero Rocher?"

Brain: "Especially not Ferreo Rocher."

Ed: "You're right, if I get her those she might just want me for my money."

Brain: "What money? I think Skittles might be more within our price range."

Ed: "Skittles, individually engraved with hearts?"

Brain: "Don't go there!"

Ed: "Too late! I'm getting that miniature engraving kit I got from eBay. And you said I would never use it..."