At this moment in my life it seems most of my time is spent on public transport be it trains, automobiles with but with a sad lack of planes.
And it's never fun. I've had the usual terrors of crying babies, angry travellers, and disgruntled late night ticket collectors. In peoples lives there is always a moment where someone says "I've seen some things."
In my case most of these anecdotes will involve travelling in these situations. But recently there has been one that has stood out above the rest. It happened at around 3:45 on the way to Cambridge and it's something that will haunt and confuse me for the rest of my life. Kind of like that childbirth video we were forced to watch at school.
I shall set the scene. It's a train, lots of people, the time in the day where people have to stand for their 3 hour journey. But I see a young couple in their 20's sitting across from each other at a set of table seats and all seems relatively normal at this point. Then I see as she leans forward, I assume for one of those make-out sessions that obviously must give vital oxygen from one person to another judging by the frequency of them, his hand goes up and she tilts her head up. Looks like a classic palm to the chin self-defence move and I brace my self for impact, and having seen Roadhouse a few days previously I feel ready for the conflict.
But no impact. He picks her nose.
Literally. It's not one of those gentle nose rubs either. Y'know the ones that Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan were doing for ages? It's a full on getting in there and scraping, kind of like a prospector trying to get ahead of the next big gold rush.
And it's awful to watch. Nobody else is looking and I want to nudge the lady next to me and point it out but that would be weird and she was reading 50 Shades Of Grey and I didn't want to put the idea of mixing those two worlds in her head. Although to be fair I can only guess at the monologue in her head of "Oh Mr. Grey, let's do it on the sofa" to me giggling and pointing at people picking each others noses.
Now I was mainly wondering is it just me that thinks it's a little far to do this in a relationship? I mean where does it end? Will they be helping each other to the train toilets next? And these two were still happy with each other so they obviously hadn't been together for that long, it wasn't some kind of Notebook relationship which I think you would be the only possible justifiable excuse.
Still maybe I'm behind the times and set in my 18 year old ways and this is the new hip thing kids are trying. First it was dry humping now it's mutual eradication of nasal mucus.
Makes the crying 1 year old with an ear piercing look normal. Although I would be crying too as gold totally wasn't his colour.
Still, I don't know maybe they're in love and just an odd couple, although it does bring new meaning to the saying "I'm in a relationship with my Kleenex."
P.S. To you personally (Yes you! In the chair!) if you do read this and have Twitter then just for my benefit, please hashtag "#ALifeOfEd" it would be cool to know there are real people out there.
And just remember. I love lamp.
