Taste Is In The Eye Of The...Wait, What?

I recently read an article on the favourite books of celebrities. It was enlightening, not in the sense that we got to know who they were as people but who they wanted people to think they were.

The people who were in it were people like Jim Carrey, Alec Baldwin, Gary Lineker and such so I was expecting some half truthful answers.

Now I expected that with some of these books there would a be a few who claimed to like the classics such as Great Expectations and Oliver Twist but never so many as there actually were. The article was filled with books that would all easily make it onto my high school reading list.

I mean my main point is (you can see I'm serious because my main point is coming in so soon) that you cannot tell me that if once you become mildy famous you suddenly need to like things of what some would call a 'higher class'.

I mean all of the books chosen were the sort you would find in the Waterstones classics section. I mean there was Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, and J.D. Salinger. But the only people with any real sense of truthfulness were Gordon Brown and Wayne Rooney. For those that are interested Brown's favourite book was The Snail And The Whale (I can only presume he has a kid, and is forced to read the same book over and over until he is forced to fall in love with it. We shall talk about this concept later).
and Rooney's was Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Yeah you heard me Philosopher's not SORCERER'S.

I'm just saying they surely have guilty pleasure books and these are often the best. If you ask me 100 time what my favourite book is, 100 time I will say it's Hover Car Racer. By far one of the most enjoyable books ever. Just brilliant.

I have read that book ten times and probably more. I got it when I was like 11? And it's now the most dog eared thing I own. And I have a dog so think about that for a second.

"And that's all I have to say about that."
(I know this was a short and awfully written piece but it just came to my head).
P.S. I'm also a little tipsy. Sorry.

Head Monologues: Episode 2

Brain: "Ed..."

Ed: "Yeah?"

Brain: "Why are you so happy right now?"

Ed: "What do you mean?"

Brain: "Your serotonin levels are coursing all the way through me and it's making me feel uncomfortable."

Ed: "Serotonin?"

Brain: "You know the stuff that makes you happy?"

Ed: "So you remember what it means when you need to complain about me but in an actual psychology exam you choose not to remember?!"

Brain: "That's neither here nor there. Now stop avoiding the question."

Ed: "It's nothing to do with you."

Brain: "Well it is because you are me and I am you etc."

Ed: "I think you might just want to avoid it, you know how you get when you try and understand emotions."

Brain: "It's not much different to when you try Jaegermeister I imagine. Lots of swearing, sweating, coughing and later, vomiting."

Ed: "Fine! Me and the pretty girl from accounting are going on a date."

Brain: "Wait you're not talking about earlier are you, when she said she would show you how to do your expense reports?"

Ed: "Well yes, whenever else?"

Brain: "At exactly which point in that conversation was either one of you suggesting and/or confirming to meet and exchange pleasantries for an extended period of time with the suggestion of romance?"

Ed: "I love it when you talk dirty."

Brain: Yes very funny, ha-ha. But seriously was there any suggestion of you two going out, because I didn't hear any and you know I have to listen to every painful thing you say."

Ed: "Well yeah, you never stop complaining about it..."

Brain: "Well when was it exactly?"

Ed: "When she said she would teach me how to do my expense reports..."

Brain: "Really? You're that desperate, you think that could be classified as a date?"

Ed: "It could! She suggested it! If you replaced with the words expense reports with dinner and a movie  it could easily be a date."

Brain: "And if you replaced them with flush and toilet seat she could be talking about potty training you."

Ed: "Whatever Brain you just don't understand love."

Brain: "This isn't the first time you've done this y'know."

Ed: "Done what exactly?"

Brain: "Romanticise things."

Ed: "In what other ways have I done this then?"

Brain: "On the tube today!"

Ed: "Oh come on don't throw that in my face!"

Brain: "You were debating with me whether the girl on the escalator was amazingly attractive or if you just hadn't been with a woman for so long you were going crazy."

Ed: "I think she just had good bone structure looking back now."

Brain: "And then you followed her."

Ed: "Please I wasn't following her. We were just going in the same direction...for a long time".

Brain: "I rest my case."

Ed: "But this is different, we know each other's names, we work in the same office..."

Brain: "Ah so it is true love."

Ed: "It's fate Brain. F...E...T...E."

Brain: "Wait that's how you've been spelling fate all this time? You really are an embarrassment to both of us you know that right?"

Ed: "Shut up! There are like 4 different spellings and meanings, how is anyone supposed to keep track!?"

Brain: "I'm just saying don't over-do it. Talk to her first and then maybe in 6-8 weeks you can have a casual meeting out of work with a group of friends."

Ed: "You're a real life Casanova you know that?"

Brain: "Please for both of us just don't treat it like a date."

Ed: "I can't hear you over the sound of me renting a tuxedo!"

Brain: "Don't bring her chocolates either."

Ed: "Not even Ferrero Rocher?"

Brain: "Especially not Ferreo Rocher."

Ed: "You're right, if I get her those she might just want me for my money."

Brain: "What money? I think Skittles might be more within our price range."

Ed: "Skittles, individually engraved with hearts?"

Brain: "Don't go there!"

Ed: "Too late! I'm getting that miniature engraving kit I got from eBay. And you said I would never use it..."

Early Morning Head Monologues.

Brain: "Ed, you know you have work tomorrow?"

Ed: "Yep."

Brain: "Do you know what time it is?"

Ed: "It's exactly 1:55am."

Brain: "And you have to be up in less than 7 hours."

Ed: "So by this logic I will get 6 hours of sleep by the time I finish my work."

Brain: "Yes, but your work will take longer than that if you go by your usual logic of as soon as you finish a question you get to eat and watch an amusing video on YouTube. Not to mention your cholesterol."

Ed: "Brain, please. I'm 18 I don't worry about annoying things like cholesterol or...tax forms."

Brain: "Yes, but you don't have to worry about it that's always my job and you're always really annoyed at me when the alarm goe...Wait you haven't even given in your tax form?!"

Ed: "I'm sure it will sort itself out, usually does."

Brain: "It's because of the girl from accounting isn't it. You just want her to come over and have a reason to ask you something."

Ed: "Credit me with some intelligence brain, I don't need to come up with fake reasons to talk to attractive women."

Brain: "You called her back to tell her that you preferred to be called Ed not Edward."

Ed: "IT WAS A SLOW DAY! Look please I'm making progress, you should know you were there."

Brain: "Yes...Sadly myself and everyone else was there to witness that pathetic display."

Ed: "Please like you could ever get girls."

Brain: "I can and I have!"

Ed: "Yeah but you go all mushy with your emotions and it's pitiful."

Brain: "Well if you didn't drink so much I could be on my game. You know I hate chugging but you and throat team up and force me into it."

Ed: "Actually I made those decisions myself...The fact that people were yelling chug has nothing to do with it."

Brain: "Whatever, we're getting off topic, are you going to at least go to sleep?"

Ed: "Well if I go to sleep I can't get my work done."

Brain: "Well how about doing your work then?"

Ed: "Yeah but work is hard and I'm very tired. It really is a vicious circle that I get caught up in."

Brain: "So what? You're just going to continually watch Hotel Babylon until you either fall asleep in your chair or mash some half-arsed piece of work together?"

Ed: "Or until I finish this series."

Brain: "Then what will happen?"

Ed: "Honestly?"

Brain: "Yes."

Ed: "I will probably start the next one..."

Brain: "Exactly."

Ed: "But Charlie just kissed Rebecca at the Christmas party!"

Brain: "I don't care if she dressed as Father Christmas himself and asked him to call her daddy."

Ed: "What? Where did that come from? It's like you had that ready..."

Brain: "Let's not talk about it."

Ed: "Look, we have pulled all nighters before..."

Brain: "Yes but at a party with no responsibilities the next day!"

Ed: "No responsibilities!?"

Brain: "Yes, you fell asleep in Toy Story 3, and then cried for half an hour but you only had yourself to blame."

Ed: "Look I can do this!"

Brain: "What about the night before that?!"

Ed: "Hey! We said we would never speak of her."

Brain: "Yes, we did I'm sorry, I crossed a line...But you know you can't claim you were drunk forever..."

Ed: "Shut-up! Stop reminding me."

Brain: "Look I will help with the first step, where is your memory stick with all your work?"

Ed: "Uhhh..."

Brain: "You left it on the pretty accountant's desk."

Ed: "Well..."

Brain: "So she would find it and return it."

Ed: "It might work!"

Brain: "Ed, she doesn't even know it's yours! She has never had any affiliation with it before!"

Ed: "My name will come up when she plugs it in."

Brain: "Oh Christ don't remind me, why again did you call it Ed's Stick?"

Ed: "Hehe...I think that's fairly obvious."

Brain: "You are a child."

Ed: "What does that make you?"

Brain: "Okay smarty pants, what happened when she didn't return it?"

Ed: "Oh..."

Brain: "You forgot it for real didn't you?"

Ed: "Maybe."

Brain: "I give up. Let's just see what happens with Charlie and Rebecca"

Ed: "Well I assume it will be awkward as she is his boss."

Brain: "I meant just watch the show."

Ed: "Okay now you're speaking my language."

Brain: "What does that even mean? What time is it?"

Ed: "2:30am"

Brain: "You're the worst you know that right?"

Ed: "Love you too buddy."