My Name Is Ed And I'm A Film-alcoholic.

I was sitting in my room the other day thinking that I should probably write something but first decided to watch a film. Pretty average.

But as I was browsing through my selection I suddenly realised I had only two genres, there was no horror, no comedy, no action, no drama, no romance, only two. Now before I explain what these two were I have to give it some context so I don't come off as a drunkard/loner.

Basically with the move and new people etc I've found it rather hard to make friends in my new place which would usually be fine, I don't mind keeping to myself but then again usually your new house people aren't outside drunkenly throwing their friendships through your open window. I also realise I have only myself to blame but stick with me here I'm digressing.

So recently my biggest celebration has been once a week when my normal work week ends to buy a few beers and sit and drink while watching films I wish I had a long time ago. (A Few Good Men, Dead  Poets Society - loved them all, probably hitting up Top Gun next week). Still I have found that I still have only two genres now. Films which are amazing to watch after a few alcoholic beverages, and epics.
Now the first genre is pretty self explanatory you drink, you watch, you laugh etc. But the second is better but also worse in a way. Better because these are the films that I consider great, but worse because you have to concentrate. Hence why they are not also in the drinking category. I'm going to give a for instance here and put five films from each category that I have seen to match them up. (Bear in mind that my definition of epics is simply to say that they are good films with intricate plots and usually long, not saying they changed the world).

Drinking Films:
- Zoolander
- I Want Candy (The best comedy about pornography you will ever see, ironically with no nudity)
- Pineapple Express
- Anchorman
- Superbad
- (I'm adding Zombieland as a bonus 6th because it's a drinking film with zombies)

Epics:
- Catch Me If You Can
- The Social Network
- Any of the Nolan Batman films.
- The Prestiege
- Gladiator

Now this is where it gets tricky. There is a crossover but it depends on each individual. It can be an epic that you have seen so many times that it is no longer complicated you you just watch for the pleasure of a good film. Examples:

- Fight Club
- Layer Cake (Incidentally one of my favourite films).
- In Bruges (Less intricate but still a great film)
- Inside Man
- The Holiday (Yes I love that film. So sue me. I love Jude Law. And any guy who doesn't is a liar)

So basically what I'm trying to say is when I have a Friday night (Halloween night no less) and my budget doesn't stretch to beer my idea of fun is to try and explain my ridiculous way or sorting films and alcohol into one acceptable mesh of a genre to random people on the internet.

But try it, you might be surprised how much funnier a joke is when you're tipsy, honestly it can make a bad film good or a good film great. "Life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop, get drunk and watch a film or two, you might just miss it" (also would like to add Ferris Bueller's Day Off to the drunk list).

P.S. I just heard someone yell out "RACISM EVERYWHERE" followed shortly by "I love racism..." So that is what I'm dealing with right now.  

A Zombie/Uni Survival Guide. (Same thing anyway).

Day 8. Everything is crumbling around me. There used to be a hierarchy  It's disappeared into a mist of Jaegerbombs and disdain.

People are constantly arguing, and as an unbiased follower I have followed their social rituals and for the first time in years I feel like the normal one. People are constantly overusing the phrase "It's f*ucking on!" Whats on? I have no idea. One day I  will find out. Life has crumbled into a dishevelled mess of bad impressions behind people's backs. Girls drunkenly slurring their sentences. "Wait, wai..Lemme finish! Lem-lem-stop! Lemmie finsh!" With nothing real to stay. 

Men also also over-using the phrase "I will honestly say..." as if they have never said anything honestly before. Even as I'm writing this I heard someone say "Bro" from my window which was weird. I would close it but it would cause attention to be drawn to me and they would turn on the un-suspecting scapegoat who occasionally peruse through the drug filled air to the kitchen to make a tuna-mayo sandwich and finish watching the A-Team. (Yes I'm that guy).

All I can hear is the grating of metal on metal. Part of me hopes it's them choosing to shut the giant metal gates behind them in an effort to get some form of falsified privacy. The other really hopes it's not them driving...Because I am still a relatively responsible adult. 

I'm not sure why societies crumble like this. It seems that this only happens with alcohol. Most fights I've witnessed are. I even broke up one once, felt very proud. But to be fair when you're a foot taller than one of the kids wearing a hat saying "I 'heart' haters" (WTF?) and the other is wearing a flat cap and a Topman t-shirt it's not too daunting. So maybe alcohol is the reason people fight all the time...or hats. I haven't decided yet. 

Don't get me wrong I drink, but more socially now than I used to. After one particularly embarrassing night involving something which Magaluf now fines people for but hasn't for years with good reason (A little research task for the more curious of you people that exist in my brain). But nowadays I will be the two pints and call it a day, I'm the guy who is finished by 10 o'clock and everyone else is just starting. Then people ask why I'm boring. I'm not boring, I just don't fancy throwing up £50 worth of alcohol that I just bought. I would rather save it. (Ironically I'm awful at saving). 

Although it's mainly because I get embarrassed when people who aren't drunk observe such as policemen and bouncers. I remember once a club was closing and I was in a different part of it with four guys and as we were politely told to leave one of them vey wittily exclaimed "Oh let's go to essence bang some (derogatory term for women)". Now I would never say this out loud but Essence is the sort of place where you would go to do that but only with a free STI. 

Still I was so embarrassed that I waited a good few seconds before leaving so he wouldn't think I was with them, until the bouncer have me the "Why are you still here look". I shuffled out and tried to put on a humorous tone and said "Well doesn't that sound lovely?" meaning it to come off as jokey. But he just gave me a funny look. I felt stupid to say the least. Might as well have "Will from the Inbetweeners" stamped on my forehead. 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you can drink, as much as you like, free world etc. And just don't ask to borrow my ibuprofen in the morning... 

Maybe all of my posts should be called Social Awkwardness.

So thats it. I've moved in. Yay.

Of course I didn't just move in, I moved in 5 days ago but honestly there is nothing exciting about having moved in somewhere a while ago. You don't get new neighbours who ask you when you moved in and you reply "2 weeks ago" go "Ooooh WOW!"

I'm now an official resident of student halls in London. Middlesex University to be precise. (I welcome all female fans to find me, or old men. Any kind of company would be appreciated). But still everyone else is settled in as they have been here for freshers week and I only just got in as I found the room too late. So I'm pretty much the new guy. Also because I'm different because I have a job instead of doing an actual uni course everyone thinks it's weird when I don't agree that Tuesday night is in fact "the most  'poppin' night of the week".

The first interaction was awkward as ever. I received a message on the Facebook wall of the halls that there were pre-drinks on my floors kitchen. I went aiming to put beers in the fridge, and it was full. I'm not sure if you've ever seen a grown man walk around drinking and carrying a lukewarm fridge pack of Fosters under his arm but it's not the best first impression. Anyway I walk into a conversation about Arsenal which even with people I know well, I could never contribute to, but nevertheless I sit there nodding and grunting enthusiastically when expected to and contributing as little as possible hoping that it would burn itself out then I notice the Glaswegian accent on the girl and the Arsenal shirt on the guy that are having the argument and then I think it will probably never end.

Still finally one girl says "You're the guy from Facebook right?" I'm confused then realise that she's not talking about Mark Zuckerberg and in fact about the post I made on the aforementioned wall. I quickly nod and realise this is the first thing that I will ever say in front of these people. "Yeah that sounds about right".

WHAT THE HELL ED!? That sounds about right? What? Are you not sure anymore? Are you confused about yourself? This is not the time to be having a fricking mid-mid-life crisis!

I stand in front of everyone and quietly dwell on the mistake but the girl is nice enough to let that one go. "Oh yeah I liked it".

Tears well up. Of course she mean Facebook liked which depending on the subject means about as much as saying LOL with a face like Clint Eastwood's. I then sputter out "Oh yeah me too, I mean I liked that you liked it...in my head".

My brain is screaming at me to throw myself out the window just for something to talk about.
Probably more halls related posts to come, but probably not about how I won three straight games of beer pong, more like how someone accidentally knocked on my door and I thought I had a friend for a few precious seconds...