Speed flatmating.

Imagine there is a world where there are a group of elitists who walk around making their minions feel small and worthless. This is 'Speed Flatmating'. 

Now this is how it works, if you are looking for a place to live then you wear a pink sticker with the details of your budget and the area you are looking in. If you have a place to live then you take a white sticker with your location and your price. 

Now in theory this is a brilliant idea right? I mean you meet people who are renting out and you can meet other people to 'buddy-up' with house share. It's great. The only problem is that  in this 'economic climate' there are less and less people renting out rooms. So there sit the white stickers knowing how powerful they are and they lord it over us...

They sit down at a booth and pink stickers literally queue up trying to get their attention, bearing in mind this is in a club where everyone is supposed to just be standing around talking it's kind of weird. I think some of them are just seeing how far that they can go with it, by either turning up really late, or dressing in ripped up and muddy clothes (real examples). 

Another awkward thing were the stickers themselves. Because of them there was no need for human contact in anyway, people would literally stop you look at your badge and shake their head in a way that says it will be your fault they never find anywhere to live. 

Now I don't want to be crude, but the only thing I can compare it to is a brothel in which the employees can reject you. You sit there with how much you are willing to spend written on your jacket and people can just say no, and nothing else. It's a little weird. 

It's a shame because it's a great format but someone not wanting to talk is them saying you're not good enough, I tell you it's the one time I wish I was much shorter. That was you can just surreptitiously walk past and just catch the stickers in your peripherals.

I'm sorry but this sounded way more hilarious when I was writing it in my head last night, but I was drinking for dutch courage. 

Probably should have been more pro-active in talking to people than just standing there mocking the situation itself...Bollocks.

My 1000th Film.

Now I just finished watching Definitely Maybe (shut-up) and it wasn't for the first time (shut-up) but this time I picked up on something and I'm about to reveal some spoilers so if you haven't seen it yet then you probably won't as it's four years old and not incredibly famous. 

Point is as the end Ryan Reynolds (divorced) with the help of his daughter (not divorced) goes and finds the true love of his life, Isla Fisher and they get together, he knocks on the door and she answers they talk she invites them inside the daughter goes in and he hangs around outside, she runs out, literally jumps on him and they make-out for what probably is a long time. The thing that bugged me was that bit. This doesn't happen in real life. This would obviously only happen in YOU WERE RYAN 'F*CKING' REYNOLDS!

I mean if her ex from that really long time ago knocked on the door and it turned out he was Gary Busey that in no way would give an equal reaction. I mean if I knocked on the door of any of my ex's houses I would probably get different responses like "What are you doing here?" or "How did you find me?" there is no way she would jump out looking like Isla  Fisher and do the exact same thing with me. I mean come on films, if you're going to portray what you think might actually happen then go down the normal route of a few weeks talking, then a big conversation about you maybe getting back together which eventually leads to a drunken night in which you then decide you might as well due to the other option being crushing loneliness and then the eventual break-up and heartache. Plus I mean it's Ryan Reynolds you're not exactly settling. 

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind had it half right apart from the whole memory wipe thing. You could actually consider that movie a sequel or prequel (Ooooooh) to Definitely Maybe.

Still luckily this film has nothing to do with the title of this post.

For those that don't know which is probably everyone as I haven't mentioned it, I have been compiling a list of every movie film I have ever seen, I probably have forgotten loads but my count went up to 1000, the other week and that film was Tyrannosaur. Directed by Paddy Considine. You may know him better as one of 'The Andys' in Hot Fuzz. The one with the fuller moustache, also the one who isn't Pete in Pete vs. Life. 

It was pretty good, Olivia Colman was in it and she is getting really famous lately, I mean she has recently finished production on a film with Bill Murray. Also Peter Mullan was fantastic. For a movie in which a dog dies in the first 2 minutes I didn't think I was going to make it. I mean ever since I was around 8/9 I hated dog deaths in films, I rented My Dog Skip, and I thought it was about a dog who had 8 legs, which would have been a much better film which I may make some day so some poor ill-informed child doesn't have to go through what I went through and cry for an hour afterwards.

Going back to what I said earlier about Olivia Colman getting famous, I love it when people get famous when they're older and don't just do something in the public eye when they're young and cute and constantly. (Hello Mr. Bubble-Yum). And in this situation I mean Chris O'Dowd. I mean I loved him since the first IT Crowd episode aired.

He was in Vera Drake beforehand and thinking about him trying to organise an abortion as Roy is cracking me up. Also Richard Ayoade being in a film with other more well-known stars gives me hope. 

I'm still never going to watch Marley and Me. Ever. I won't get through it and an 18 year old man crying isn't as understandable as an 8 year old boy.