Random Hungover Thoughts...

I went out last night and got quite drunk. I know this is against what I've been saying about me not being a massive drinker but peer pressure etc...

So when I woke up and had a headache which felt like my world had more rumble-cam than that Volcano movie I immediately felt guilty. The sort of guilt I always feel which is thinking back and remembering how embarrassing everything the night before was but at the time seemed normal.

One of the things I do when I'm like I was last night is speak bad French with a bad accent. It's weird and makes no sense the next morning but at the time it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

Another thing is that when most people go out one of the primary objectives is to find someone of the opposite gender (Or the same gender depending on your preference) to get it on with and while I can see the benefits I also don't make this my main goal, but one of the things I like to do which is purely for my benefit is just tell girls who are passing by that they're beautiful and they should never forget it. Now if there are any mothers reading you're probably all going "awww" and I wouldn't blame you but I probably do it for more selfish reasons than elating the female population of London's self-esteem.

During these exercises most of the girls either pretend they don't hear me, (or actually don't hear me, but I'm not going to run after them and check if they heard what I said) make a sour lemon face or smile. I prefer the last option. But still I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of it because if they are going to run away from their boyfriends mid-party and join me at the bar and say "I forgot how beautiful I was" then that's definitely not the kind of girl I would like. It's like when Woody Allen is quoting Groucho Marx in Annie Hall and says "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member." And yes, that's right. I just quoted and quote from a quote...

Still it doesn't stop there! I was brave enough to challenge the theory that A guy can go up to a girl and say "Do you want to buy me a drink?" and it work, as portrayed in many films.

So I approach a woman and say said line and she laughs and shakes her head so I then hit rock bottom claiming to be a relative of Ed Sheeran's. Or Ed himself. And everyone that knows me knows that that is when I'm on my last hope. I got from saying hi, to last hope in around 6 seconds...

Still probably for the best, as then I would probably have to buy her a drink later and she would find out my budget includes living off sausage rolls.

(Smooth Transition Link)

A good friend and I once came to the conclusion that ending relationships were like Trainspotting. The film, not the actual act of trainspotting, with the end of a relationship you're sitting there upset, crying (This isn't me of course...) and begging for that one last text telling you're now-ex that you don't need them and then five minutes later you're back on the phone telling them you miss them and you regret everything. And then saying that you won't need to ever text again and that you should just get one last ride. Just like detoxing. You want that one last hit and if you don't get it then there is no point in living.

Maybe ending relationships would be better if you just locked yourself in a room with two buckets, tinned soup and certain magazines for certain activities.

I am going to leave you with the thing that entertained me the most this week. There was a woman with a labrador puppy trying to go down some escalators, and obviously the dog is terrified. I mean why wouldn't they be they have twice as many limbs on the ground to look out for. So she picks up the dog and puts it on the escalator herself shouting "Come on! You have to learn to do these things for yourself! You can't have other people doing things for you all the time!"

At this point I'm wondering if she knows the purpose of an escalator is to make it so you don't have to walk up or down stairs YOURSELF. Hypocrisy thine name is shouting lady on the tube...