Intro to Awkward Situations 101.

I realise that during this whole debacle of writing I have had no real form of continuity in that some weeks I will write three bits and others I will write none for a month. So in order to try and help me with this I am going to do a mini-series, along with my usual smattering of nonsense along the way.

This series shall be named Awkward situations 101, and will go through all of life's things which I find awkward but because they are commonplace now I dont really address them anymore. for instance buying a poppy and the old lady insisting she pins it on for me and me being to polite to tell her that she pierced my skin.

It shall be done in episodes, because I like the reference to TV and will maybe make me want to write something for video which I've always wanted to do. But seriously, not like when I though it would be funny in Breaking Bad if Jessie was moonlighting by making candy for kids birthday parties and mixed up the batches. These will HOPEFULLY occur once a week. Emphasis on hopefully which you can tell by my infantile use of the caps lock key.

So yeah I'm pretty much going to start now with:

Episode 1: Portable Bin Men?

Now of course since I have moved from the countryside to London litter has become far more obvious, and with that you get people who put stuff in bins. Good people, and then those who don't. Bad people. But there is this third group who are completely unregistered.

This is where street cleaners come in. And I'm not using that as a colloquial term for Batman or any other superhero-types. But the guys with the picker-upper-clampy-sticks (TM).

Well here is where these two parties meet. Say someone wants to throw something away, and then the litter picker comes by and here are your options:
1) You keep hold of your litter and wait for an actual bin, which then means you have resigned yourself to the fact that you didn't want to give a litter man some litter, plus you were more inclined to hold rubbish than to give it to the guy.
2) You put it in his bag, now this would be normal but it's like you have invaded his area of work, you're raping him of his masculinity. (There is no way you would see someone from your local dry cleaners out of the store and start to throw clothes at them) You are saying straight to his face, your job could be done by a cylinder with a blocked up end...Now of course there are some situations where this is true but honestly I'm not even going to try and delve into that one.
3) Perhaps the most patronising option. The childish one. The one that when you read it you would think is funny and then look at the logic. That is simply putting the litter on the ground waiting to make sure he sees it then fleeing the scene.

"But wait, this third option interests me!"

Well of course it does you're starting to think it through. this way the litter gets picked up and thrown away or recycled. You're letting them do their job, but you're also mocking them slightly. I mean replace the litter picker with a dog and and the litter itself with a ball and it's next to normal (Not that I give dogs what they want and then flee, that's just slutty).

In reality none of these options are ideal, and we will probably go on with our lives as normal, some of us unafraid to simply put it in their bag and stare them right in the face while doing so, and then the rest of us, holding onto that empty drinks bottle waiting for the perfect bin, with the knowledge that we cannot face our fears.

To be fair we all know the that if you leave a bottle somewhere, and it's upright it's not littering though right? Right?
Yeah I'm right...