People are constantly arguing, and as an unbiased follower I have followed their social rituals and for the first time in years I feel like the normal one. People are constantly overusing the phrase "It's f*ucking on!" Whats on? I have no idea. One day I will find out. Life has crumbled into a dishevelled mess of bad impressions behind people's backs. Girls drunkenly slurring their sentences. "Wait, wai..Lemme finish! Lem-lem-stop! Lemmie finsh!" With nothing real to stay.
Men also also over-using the phrase "I will honestly say..." as if they have never said anything honestly before. Even as I'm writing this I heard someone say "Bro" from my window which was weird. I would close it but it would cause attention to be drawn to me and they would turn on the un-suspecting scapegoat who occasionally peruse through the drug filled air to the kitchen to make a tuna-mayo sandwich and finish watching the A-Team. (Yes I'm that guy).
All I can hear is the grating of metal on metal. Part of me hopes it's them choosing to shut the giant metal gates behind them in an effort to get some form of falsified privacy. The other really hopes it's not them driving...Because I am still a relatively responsible adult.
I'm not sure why societies crumble like this. It seems that this only happens with alcohol. Most fights I've witnessed are. I even broke up one once, felt very proud. But to be fair when you're a foot taller than one of the kids wearing a hat saying "I 'heart' haters" (WTF?) and the other is wearing a flat cap and a Topman t-shirt it's not too daunting. So maybe alcohol is the reason people fight all the time...or hats. I haven't decided yet.
Don't get me wrong I drink, but more socially now than I used to. After one particularly embarrassing night involving something which Magaluf now fines people for but hasn't for years with good reason (A little research task for the more curious of you people that exist in my brain). But nowadays I will be the two pints and call it a day, I'm the guy who is finished by 10 o'clock and everyone else is just starting. Then people ask why I'm boring. I'm not boring, I just don't fancy throwing up £50 worth of alcohol that I just bought. I would rather save it. (Ironically I'm awful at saving).
Although it's mainly because I get embarrassed when people who aren't drunk observe such as policemen and bouncers. I remember once a club was closing and I was in a different part of it with four guys and as we were politely told to leave one of them vey wittily exclaimed "Oh let's go to essence bang some (derogatory term for women)". Now I would never say this out loud but Essence is the sort of place where you would go to do that but only with a free STI.
Still I was so embarrassed that I waited a good few seconds before leaving so he wouldn't think I was with them, until the bouncer have me the "Why are you still here look". I shuffled out and tried to put on a humorous tone and said "Well doesn't that sound lovely?" meaning it to come off as jokey. But he just gave me a funny look. I felt stupid to say the least. Might as well have "Will from the Inbetweeners" stamped on my forehead.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you can drink, as much as you like, free world etc. And just don't ask to borrow my ibuprofen in the morning...
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